Hi my name is KORK, 
but I want you to call me the LAMPMAN!  
I am the HEAD cheese!  (I like head!) 

    I recently bought out a huge failing LAMP factory, yes they failed, but I am sure I can be very successful with their crappy products (DSX LAMPS)   I am sure they weren't as smart as me!

I had my first setback trying to sell the lamps on the internet, a bunch of people called me a SPAMMER!  Being called a spammer hurts my feelings and methinks no one likes me. Maybe selling these lamps isn't as easy as I thought?

One day, I was sittin on the toilet pullin my pud and thinking about my depression when suddenly my chain pullin must have made a light bulb go on in my head! No, not that head!  anyway....

A NEW IDEA!         TEAMLAMP! 

Yes, I think I can take advantage of the homeless, the weak, the perverts of the internet and give them a free membership in a meaningless team! I can create a BRAND NEW TEAM from the dregs no one else wants on their team! I can COPY the web pages and STEAL the ideas for teamLAMP from the best teams that already exist!  The new team can be cleverly disguised as a valuable member of the internet society, but in reality it is a way I can USE a bunch of computer IDIOTS to SELL MY LAMPS!  If I give the IDIOTS, er... I mean, Team members high ranking positions in this team and make up spiffy names for their positions, then more and more folks will want to join! There is a seemingly endless supply of morons on the internet! Wonder what the URL to webTV is, plenty of morons over there! 

If this TEAM idea doesn't work maybe I can sell the lamps to a party shop, I always loved the guy at the party with the lampshade on his head.
   

MEMBERS!

This parody is fiddling at its best and is intended as comedy only, any resemblance to any real person or events is funny as shit! 

-SMALL PRINT- 
This is where we type all the legal crap and mumbo jumbo! We all know when it is printed this small 
that most of you (who probably can't read anyhow) won't bother reading it. so we put all the good shit here and take advantage of you after we have your signature.  If you have any problem with what we have printed here then you will have to file your complaint in triplicate with the teamROCS ethics committee.  Filing electronically is not an option but we throw these things away anyhow so give it a go if you want. Wherefore and when-as this text is pursuant to legal laws, all kinds of bullshit and  if you decide to try to read this ya better get you a lawyer with Fkin GOOD EYES!