Doin the 9th Place Dance
1998 USAC finals, Kansas City, Missouri
by: Sancho

    USAC finals in Kansas City turned out to be quite the experience (no pictures available).  The turnout for the event was quite a bit better than for the IASCA finals in Dallas.  Although, the Manufacturer support was abysmal comparatively.  Much props to PPI, Autotek, DD, and the guys I can't remember for showing up  I am disappointed that many of the companies that should have been there were not.  A big FUCK YOU to all of ya... you missed a much larger turnout than IASCA, and for what?  USAC's pants aren't fancy enough for you guys? get on the fuckin ball...

SQ, etc.

    On the teamROCS SQ competitive front, our boys Jeff "showtime" Gasier and Brian "b-mo" Morris both took 9th place in their respective classes.  Jeffrey also took "best of show" and "best undercarriage" in the car show and 2nd place in the hydraulic hop with a paltry 15 inch hop during which he lost his front hydraulic motor (sizzle fry...). 

SPL

    Alma and the rest of Team Gates took first place in USAC outlaw pro whatsamawhosit, as predicted by yours truly, and set a new USAC outlaw record of 170.6 dB.  The boys from the east coast are SPL monsters and great guys (EASTSI-I-IDE).   Tim Maynor (in a genius move) hooked up line voltage to his microphone pass-through in the SPL competition and registered a 187.5 dB to show that cheating in such a competition is a piece of cake (FYI there is NO tear-down rule for dB drag... no way to protest or check cheats if they are not caught during the cheating...). John Henry (who took the dB drag "extreme" world record at finals in Nashville with a "174.7") got a questionable score of "182.1" on the dB drag meter and was unable to register higher than upper 160's on a B&K meter to back it up. 

Parties

       The Rockford Fosgate party was cool. The club really blew up afterwards.  The teamROCS members that were not able to make it will be happy to know that those of us who did, TORE UP THE SPOT.   Fat and skinny girls of varying ethnicity and age were mere toys for our amusement.   And, whoo boy did we get drunk...

Various

at USAC they serve BEER

ShowTime escaped with pubes

Sancho may now be referred to as "Gunga Din"

or "the Mack"

ShowTime is pretty fly, for a fat guy

USAC does judge differently than IASCA and those of you who want to compete in both should definitely get a hold of BOTH rulebooks...

the eastside boys should definitely be considered for teamROCS membership, especially that big blue mufucka and shaker and prolly that rich guy (he'll get a suite and we can all tear it up)

Sancho fell off of nothing, except "the wagon" of course...

Rob Hephner was there... but didn't do anything interesting...

thrasher turned out to be cool, sqjoel was barely seen, and aikidoka turned out to be some turd with an annoying habit of calling me "bitch"

Gayden from rac trophied in the car show

Team Cobra... cool guys... brones and pitts took first places...

ShowTime almost lost his tongue ring to the amazing suction power of "big girl with the vodka shirt"

I think I may have, in a drunken stupor, left patrick gates and like one other guy with about 7 dozen chicken wings (sorry pat)